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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431727">Why Are You Even Here?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/colish3/pseuds/colish3'>colish3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Gay Richie Tozier, Gen, I told my brother I was writing this and he said "Everyday we stray farther from God's light", M/M, Reality TV, The Bachelorette - Freeform, The Losers - Freeform, personally I think I'm doing pretty good</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:16:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431727</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/colish3/pseuds/colish3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Richie Tozier, 27, stand-up comedian and former Target assistant manager, is not here for the right reasons. While everyone searches for love, Richie searches for free drinks.</p><p>Stanley Uris, 29, Head of Production for The Bachelorette, knows this and embraces it because while everyone is looking for love, Stan is looking to make a good TV show.</p><p>Beverly Marsh, 28, up-and-coming fashion designer and this season’s bachelorette, knows this and gives him a rose anyway. While Beverly looks for love, she steals a few free drinks with Richie, too. </p><p>Or, Richie loses his job as Target assistant manager and decides to compete on The Bachelorette, despite being a gay man, to get free drinks and avoid paying rent for a few months.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Beverly Marsh &amp; Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Where The Fuck Do You Find These People?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first night is always boring. As a seasoned veteran of this show, Stanley Uris, Head of Production, feels the need to warn Patty Blum, the new Chief Editor of this. He comes up to her station where she is currently working through the pre-filming confessionals, which he lacked the time to do before now. Instead, he has been running across the entire set getting the crew into position and double checking the timestamp at which the first contestant will arrive. He double checked the timestamp for when the final contestant would finish his introduction too, but as Stan knows, no prediction for that is ever accurate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At her desk, Patty progresses through as many of the 30 confessionals as physically possible, attempting to get acclimated before she has to match a name to a face and choose which to splice into the episode.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you watched any yet?” she asks Stan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not yet, I was planning to do it after they arrived,” he says, settling next to her to watch. He has about 10 minutes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first two are more of the same, a man looking for love and another who has been looking in all the wrong places hoping this may be the right one. Essentially the same as each other and of every other first episode, they perform an important role: each season of</span>
  <em>
    <span> The Bachelorette</span>
  </em>
  <span> needs to feel like a season of </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Bachelorette</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and their familiar platitudes keep it that way. Still, this is what Stan meant by the first episode is always boring. Everyone needs some screen time, and with 30 contestants, no one gets enough to be interesting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next one, though, he’s sweet. Ben, a handsome, a 30 year old architect from Maine, sits stiffly on the little bench in front of the camera.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m excited to be here as much as I am nervous. I want to tell her my feelings and why I’m here, but I’m not really good at words on the spot, so I wrote them down. I hope I can read them to her, but I think I’ll be too shy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stan expected a remark about pretty girls making any guy shy, but none came.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patty turns to him, “I think he’ll be good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stan turns back. “I watched the tape,” he replies. “He has to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, I hope so. Something has to make it into the episode tonight,” Patty laughs. “I’m good, but I’m only so good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stan checks the watch on the inside of his wrist. The limos are about to arrive, and he thinks Patty will want to see this in person.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Two interns roll up the red carpet, last minute as always so no one gets the chance to mess it up. It follows a straight line up to the front porch where this season’s Bachelorette is standing. Beverly Marsh, a 28 year old up-and-coming fashion designer from New York, stands there waiting. From her flowy orange dress to her short cropped hair, the twelve stage lights and one lamp light her perfectly. It is an elaborate arrangement made to look like normal house lighting, truly a set designer’s magnum opus. Stan’s team did well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Final touches done, and the opening shot begins. As the first limo rolls up, Beverly’s smile gets tight, and she stands static for a singular moment before forcing herself loose. She is poised again before the car comes to a stop, and Stan has a feeling she will be good.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first man out is Bill, 29, Author and Soup Kitchen Volunteer. He hands her the iconic red rose. The move isn’t exactly original, especially for a writer, but what he says about asking her to accept his rose is almost funny. Regardless, the opening man always makes a memorable impression by virtue of being first. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Next come Adam, Michael, and Brett—none with a gimmick, but they say a quick compliment and commit to a “See you inside.” Then, Ben arrives.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben, who, yeah he’s hot, squeezes his way out of the limo with a paper in hand, as promised in the clip. When Beverly smiles at him, he blushes, just barely but enough for Stan to catch. Ben takes a moment to say something, then places the paper into her hand. It’s a poem he’s too shy to read aloud on camera, but he hopes she reads it. He meant what he wrote, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patty was right. The clip they watched alluded to him being </span>
  <span>sweet</span>
  <span>, but the contestants rarely follow through in person. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was he as much of a </span>
  <span>sweetheart</span>
  <span> in the audition tapes?” asks Patty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Stan replies, “He was more genuine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next person out has neon pink hair that matches his bowtie, and Patty pulls over her laptop from where she abandoned it before the limo pulled up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was one of the confessionals I watched before you interrupted. You didn’t watch any but those two before right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stan shakes his head, still watching the contestant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re gonna want to see this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patty barely waits for him to look before pressing play.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What up? I’m Charlie, I’m 28, and I’ve got pink hair and a bad attitude.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He looked like he watches too much </span>
  <em>
    <span>Next,</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Stan remarks correctly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The MTV first date show? Like from the 2000’s?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” Patty cringes. “It’s 2020.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know how to pick them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Apparently.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few more contestants spill out of the limo, all with normal hair colors, though one was visibly dyed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next limo, two of three, pulls up slowly, letting the camera get some tension and giving Beverly just enough time to breathe. The first man out is another brunet, a standard male beauty. His presence serves more for audience appreciation than real entertainment—not to knock attractiveness as a deciding factor in these contests. Two more just like him walk out, and then a third. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This man is wearing a penguin suit, which while bad, mildly amuses Patty and mildly amuses Beverly. Penguin Suit Guy, legally named Matt, is 34 years old, age either accounting for the lack of humor or a stark juxtaposition to his level of maturity. As a provider of questions such as these, Stan hopes Matt makes it through the first round, though fearful for Beverly if she actually does like him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another guy, Earl comes out. Yes, his hotness does make up for his name being Earl. Then, comes the true show stopper: Mike, a 30 year old farmer and volunteer firefighter. He looks like the kind of man in fragrance advertisements. Specifically, he could be the Old Spice guy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike steps out carrying a baby goat slung over his shoulders just as he may end up carrying the show. So calm she could almost be asleep, the kid does not so much as twitch while Mike walks up to Beverly, not until she bleats as Mike takes her down to hold in his arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m Mike, and this is Casey,” he says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beverly introduces herself right back, and he asks if she wants to pet Casey, promising she is a good girl. Casey is a good girl, quieting down as Beverly strokes her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a natural. She likes you a lot,” he says, still cradling the kid in his arms as if she weighs nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Softly, Beverly replies, “I gotta say, I like her, too,” trying not to spook her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mike discloses that goats are a good judge of character, and Beverly fires right back that Mike must be a good man for Casey to be so calm for him. And, God, this makes for good television.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the limo fail to make an impression after that, except the one contestant dressed as a nerd who just looks embarrassing after Mike. If Mike had been any less charming, Stan would say he spoiled the pot by coming out to soon, but as Patty can attest: Mike could not ruin a thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The third and final car rolls up with a man giving a bouquet of roses, hoping maybe Beverly will save one for him. Stan thinks of poor Bill, the first contestant. He has been upstaged, beaten at his own game. Well, technically it’s Stan’s game.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few more come out, mostly handsome. One contestant is a single dad, and that never fails to garner a few tears in the first showing. Other than that, not much happens until the car is mostly empty. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second to last one out of the limo is Edward, a 26 year old intern at some big name company. Notably, Edward had not sent in the audition tape himself, and it surprised Stan when he agreed to </span>
  <span>show up</span>
  <span> at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks over to Beverly and offers a firm handshake with the introduction of “Hello, I’m Edward Kaspbrak.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patty snorts. A handshake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello Edward, I’m Beverly,” she starts, mouth still open, about to say something else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edward takes his hand out of hers to make his way inside, not waiting for her to finish.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now Patty is full on laughing, and Stan lets out a small snort too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beverly subtly steps about an inch to her left, stopping him, pausing a moment before she continues. “Edward’s a bit long. How about Eddie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Edward’s shoulders fall a bit from where he held them tight up by his ears. “You can call me Eddie if I can call you Bev.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a deal,” she laughs out. “Shake on it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And they do. The cameras pick up Eddie’s almost smile as he makes his way inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, only one contestant remains in the limo. Stan has been waiting for him; his audition tape was something else. From inside the car, his hand lingers on the door handle before pushing it out ever so slightly. Usually, it requires a bit of editing—camera switches and the works—to draw the moment out, but he’s extending the suspense all by himself, just really going for it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie for short, Richard for long is a 27 year old stand up comedian and former Target assistant manager. Adorn in a full, entirely black tuxedo, he emerges from the vehicle, adjusts his lapels, and meanders his way to where Beverly stands on the porch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Took you long enough,” she says grinning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie, ever the charmer, possibly charming, says, “I’m sorry to keep a lady waiting,” in a beautiful Australian accent. He picks up her hand to lay a gentle kiss on her knuckles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leaning over, Stan whispers to Patty, “He didn’t have that accent in the audition.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patty starts digging through the confessionals as Richie explains that the accent? It’s Australian.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie points toward the house. “That last guy, he shook your hand?” he asks, still Australian.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smiling reluctantly, Beverly admits, “Yeah, he did,” trying not to laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, well now I’ve gotta one up him.” He looks around for a second before raising his hand. “Fist bump.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patty, who had gotten distracted watching them, finally pulls up the clip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie sits there in a separate, clearly rented tuxedo, cumberbund and all. He starts in a Southern, and very distinctly not Australian, accent:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, the Australian ain’t my best accent, but I sure am counting on the assumption that she watched less </span>
  <em>
    <span>H</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>2</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>O: Just Add Water</span>
  </em>
  <span> than I did. She’d’ve had to at least watch some of it, though, or that’s a deal breaker. Hey, the Bachelorette ain’t the only one that can have standards.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patty looks over to Stan. “Where, the fuck, do you find these people?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. How Much Am I Gonna Have to Cut Out?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i realize it's been a while. specifically, i posted the first chapter the day before classes started and i'm posting this update the day after my last final. i went through a really dark time, and it was hard to make anything. i truly believe creation does save you. i hope for all the people also... going through it this makes ur day a little better. for all the people having a blast rn, i hope this makes ur day better!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>How Much Am I gonna Have to Cut Out?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The thing about being Chief Editor is you have to watch everything. Patty would tell Stan this, but he knows already. He even warned her about it. Luckily, the people working under her cut everything down to just one batch of camera angles per shot so she didn’t have to watch everything ten times, just three. But as with seeing everything, Patty gets to watch all the juicy bits no audience gets to, a little treat for sorting through so much junk.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So far, from the limos to the first night's end, the most interesting thing about Jonas is his name. Camera 4 sticks on him and Brad capturing whatever may happen… and they talk about sports. Brad says something about the Red Sox, Jonas says something about how fantasy baseball should be a thing, and Patty hopes with all her heart that she can pass that off as an original idea. Unfortunately, it’s not, and her best hope is that playing up the sports angle may interest the husbands of their target demographic. As fast as physically and responsibly possible, she finishes with Brad and Jonas. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>From there, 12 hours of footage remain for a single 2 hour slot with 1 hour already allotted to the first meetings. That’s just how it is with 30 contestants. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Right off the bat, Aaron, Johnathan, and Samuel get cut from the screen time. Their confessional clips promptly moved into the discard folder. As much as Patty loves the “all white men on </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Bachelorette</span>
  </em>
  <span> look the same” memes, it’s only fun when it’s someone else's fault. On her show, Twitter will be able to tell the people apart. Short of picking for Beverly, the least she can do is cull the herd for the episode. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just for drama, however, she keeps Kevin in. Another man looking for love, handsome, charming, everything in the world going for him. His first confession had him looking so hopeful. Post rose ceremony, he keeps that look. With no bitterness in his tone, just melancholy, he wishes Beverly the best. He doubts he’ll be back, but there is someone out there for him; even the voice-over agrees. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That may be Patty’s favorite part of editing, adding the voice-overs, and she hopes to crush some dreams with them. Specifically Kevin’s. She’ll have to consult Stan—if only to watch his reaction to the clip—but she thinks the next clip stands just fine on its own.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Screen 3 starts on clip 14:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie, fresh from meeting the possible love of his life, sits on the couch closest to the door, back straight and adjusting his tie when Richie walks in and plops down next to him. The camera zooms in as the cushions bounce, and Patty thinks how amazing it is to watch as so many emotions pass through a man in such a short window of time: surprise at the interruption, anger—unknown as to the violent nature of the disturbance or simply the disturbance itself—perseverance in the stubborn resolution to ignore the man sitting next to him, and ire as he finds himself unable to ignore such an annoyance.</span>
  <span> T</span>
  <span>he </span>
  <span>camera timer </span>
  <span>marks 4 seconds in the time between Richie sitting and before Eddie turning glare, first meeting his eyes then taking in the rest of him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Following Eddie’s eyes, the camera pans up from the cumberbund adorning Richie’s waist to the still buttoned jacket, to the black shirt held together at the neck by a black bow tie, and finally to the shit eating grin on his face. Cameron deserves an Emmy for that shot. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Turning slowly in an attempt at grace, Richie positions his body all the way perpendicular to Eddie’s on the couch and reaches out a hand, “‘Ello, my name is Richard.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His accent now straddles the line between English and Australian, and Patty desperately wants to know if that was purposeful or he simply lacks the talent to maintain an accent for that long. Unable to decide which option was funnier, Patty resolves herself to just keep watching.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Eddie,” he offers back, shaking the aforementioned hand and grimaces through and unconvincing, “Pleasure to meet you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As if spurred on by frowns, or perhaps attempting to turn it upside down—Patty laughs and adds the phrase to the list for voiceover options—Richie says, “The pleasure is all mine,” with a twinkle in his eye. Immediately, Eddie rips back his hand turning away. For once, Patty may have too much material. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” Richie continues, “what do you think of the penguin costume.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Somehow more annoyed at Richie’s fashion choice than craving an end to the conversation, Eddie says back, “It’s a penguin suit, and your shirt needs to be white for it to be a penguin suit.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then what do you call that?” asks Richie, pointing a finger for the camera to follow across the room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As if speaking for the world, Eddie breaths out, “Jesus Christ, someone really [beep]ing did that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>These beautiful, beautiful contestants just gave Patty the transition she needed. She could kiss them. On her screen, she cuts the shot there and transitions to Camera 4. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>T</span>
  <span>urned to a perfect three-quarters view to the screen,</span>
  <span> elegantly smiling in a penguin suit without a white shirt, Matt reaches out a hand to Beverly and asks, “May I have this dance.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There is, of course, no music playing. Adjusting a few levels on the mic recordings, the silence is even more consuming. Though, Patty holds off on the crickets; if Beverly had to make it through this awkward moment without comedic relief, so must the audience. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cordially, in a way that Patty respects but does not envy, Beverly smiles and accepts his outreached arm. Her hand placed in his, she begins reaching up to lay the other on his shoulder, and he chooses that moment to spin her. As if as confused as Beverly (and Patty) her dress refuses the camera the ideal princess spin that Matt hoped for, instead getting caught between her legs as she attempts to stay steady while he rotates her to a non-existent song. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She comes back to him, looking only slightly frazzled, and Matt says, “Let's do the Funky Chicken!” He brings his hands up his sides and dances what, somehow, is not the Funky Chicken.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Still managing a smile, Beverly asks, “Are you going for a poultry theme tonight?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Matt says, taking her hands again to get her to dance. “But I think the more important theme is fun.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before she can reply, he brings her hands down—short dance—and continues, “But I’m not all fun and games. I’m a serious guy, looking for a serious love.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The more he talks, the more Patty laments for Beverly. If only it was just a shtick. But, when all seems lost and a silence finally comes over the pair, Bill comes up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tapping a finger right on Matt’s flipper, Bill turns to Beverly and asks, “Do you mind if I cut in?” and when she agrees, he turns to Matt and asks the same, “You don’t mind do you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Startled by this, he and Patty enter a complete role reversal. Matt’s mouth falls open, and while he agrees, he finally looks confused and Patty finally gets to be elated.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Unperturbed, Bill asks politely, “May I dance with you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If only out of self preservation, Beverly agrees, almost leaping into his arms. “You were the first out of the Limo, right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he smiles out. “I’m glad you remembered. I don’t know the moves to whatever he was dancing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly interrupts with a laugh, “Me neither.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He laughs with her and offers, “I do know some approximation of a waltz. I wish there was music.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even if they couldn’t at the moment, Patty gives it to them now, splicing it in to play with the recording. It’s early, but Patty has never rooted for a season’s “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Can I steal you away?” Guy</span>
  </em>
  <span> more, especially when their dance finishes and he thanks Beverly for her time, letting her go so steal all the time meant for her getting to know some other contestants. He departs at the perfect point, leaving the audience wanting for more yet excited for the next contestant. For a single scene, things are going Patty’s way. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Next to come up is the poem guy, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben</span>
  </em>
  <span> Patty remembers. He’s pointed up by the farmer and volunteer firefighter, the one that brought the goat. Mike, one of  the few names she remembers. Yeah, eventually knowing their names is gonna be important, but she can do that next week when there are 15 people only, not that memorizing the two of their names feels like a waste.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While most of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bachelorette</span>
  </em>
  <span> consists of hot men talking to each other—an eventuality with only one woman to break up the mix—these are more than just incredibly pretty faces, based on their limo rides. Anya, unfortunately didn’t pass it up to the final cuts. Trimming the fat around multiple hours with 30 men to keep track of helps Patty do her job, sure, but she wishes that the trimming could’ve been kept down to just Jonas and… that other guy with a name and those type conversations. After digging through 5 folders, she finds it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Close on the couch, Ben looks at Mike with the same soft smile he kept in the pre-meeting confessionals. He’s just listening as Mike talks about how different types of hay will affect the glossiness of a goat's coat, and how he does occasionally loan out his goats to the local high schools in the summers. Apparently, wild grasses grow too high during the school year and create fire hazards. He started doing it after students started setting fire to the back hills to get out of tests.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe, that part shouldn’t be part of the episode. Giving kids ideas of how to get out of their finals seems like a terrific idea to upset mothers, once again a target demographic. (That being said, it does make Patty wish she thought of that in high school though, instead of trying to pay a friend to pull the fire alarm before her final). If it weren’t for the next bit, she wouldn’t have minded Anya cutting this out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mike pauses his story about catching high schoolers sneaking onto his farm after missing the goats clearing the school to point out Bill leaving Beverly. “She’s free now. It’s your chance Ben.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Ben replies, looking a little sad, “Are you sure you don’t want to finish your story?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mike laughs back, “Don’t worry, I will. There’s not a chance I’ll shut up about my goats, but we have all night, and she’s choosing soon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You saw her open. Are you sure you don’t want to go talk to her?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll go after. Trust me, you don’t want to have to follow all this.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That gets Ben. “You're right, I don’t.” He pauses a second before saying, “Thanks man.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If Patty could pick a winner, it would be him. Personally, she likes her men a bit bitchier, but even Stan was taken away by how genuine he was. There aren't many men who join a reality TV show and be like that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, as if simultaneously holding back both the urge to power walk his way over and run away, he walks up to where Beverly walked onto the patio. She’s picked up her hands, right hand picking at her thumb nail when he arrives.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you have a moment?” he asks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, do you want to sit down,” she replies leading him to a bench nearby. “These heels were a mistake.” Contractually, she isn’t supposed to remove them, at least this episode. Stan must have warned her before this, and thank god he did or hoops would magically appear for Patty to jump through in order to force this scene to air.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soon into the conversation, Ben brings up the poem, which unfortunately she didn’t have time to read until now. At the until now, Ben’s face freezes and he attempts to duck out as politely as possible yet lacking all possible decorum.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly laughs as she reaches for his coat sleeve, “No, no, you have to stay.” When he still looks hesitant, she continues, “I’m asking you. Please.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Biting his lip a bit he blushes through an, “I mean, I can’t say no to you, can I.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You could,” Beverly says back, “but you shouldn’t.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She stays smiling as she begins to read, and all he can do is stare. All the discomfort bleeds out of him as he hunches slightly forward unconsciously, waiting for her reaction. Her eyes stop moving down, and all she does is breathe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, um…” he starts, “What did you think?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She looks back, eyes open wide, “If you stay, do you promise to write another.” That’s it. It ends there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well, technically it goes on for another 3 minutes or so of talking, but on Patty’s show, it ends there for the dramatics of it all. A few edits added, the shot appears to change with the swing of a camera to Mike where he sits smiling at them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Ben leaves, Mike walks up and pats him on the shoulder before walking over to Bev. The greeting is a bit awkward. After all, how do you follow up petting a baby goat together? But she laughs when he admits it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad you said it,” she says as he sits down next to her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s hard. I don’t have experience with reality TV,” he admits.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t say I have any either.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just the business meeting they gave us before putting us on camera”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She gives an exasperated agreement. “It really was a business meeting.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” he chuckles,  “I get that we’re looking for love and connection, but today’s a bit hollow. There’s only so much you can do with a quick meeting. I’m sure it’s hard enough just memorizing our names even with the gimmicks.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know how the other contestants made it look so easy. Are they just fed names before going out? Is there a projector above people's heads during the rose ceremony?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope so. Can you imagine if we had to pause for a producer to tell you it's Pablo not Paul?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bev has to stop for a moment, mouth slightly agape. “There’s not actually a Pablo, is there?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We are gonna have to do multiple takes. Does my suspenseful face look good enough to fool the camera’s.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I’m still hung up on there being a Pablo.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Patty breathes out. There’s no way she can show any of that. Mike’s right and he’s charming and he’s acknowledging the truth, but this is television. It’s no place for the truth. She needs the sweetness of him and Ben, and that means keeping Mike going up to Beverly. If she keeps the beginning, she can cut away in the middle by making some chaos and then cut back to the two of them saying some parting words before she goes off to talk to someone else. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Somewhere in the tapes, that Charlie guy is being an asshole, and she will find it. Actually, she doesn’t even have to dig. God bless the intern who said something off camera. The mic didn’t catch it well, but all she needs is him talking about breaking things in the mansion anyway. Now, cutting away from Mike and Bev is focused on her not seeing Charlie being an asshole. Already, Patty has set up the villain of the season. That is what she calls talent.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Patty cuts down to only one more contestant before Stan goes out to bring Beverly in for her decision. It’s the Juicy details that don’t make it to TV which Patty loves most. Almost anywhere Beverly walks, a camera follows—partially for legal protection,</span>
  <span> definitely because drama could start anywhere.</span>
  <span> Good television starts where you don’t look for it—if one chooses to ignore how much work goes into upping the stakes. Now, Beverly has to pick which men to keep and which to send home. With her walks Stan who explains all the rules and points out the pictures attached to the corkboard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m guessing there are people I have to keep on,” Beverly says. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” replies Stan with no attempt to hide his joy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly continues staring at the mounted pictures. “It is a TV show.” It’s so nice when contestants know they’re contestants. “Who are they?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stan looks at her, grinning. “Why don’t you just pick them and then I’ll tell you if you left anyone out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly looks back at him, “It’s the penguin guy isn’t it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And Charlie.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I posted another fic today. it's richie's stand up post coming out! it is funny, but the humor is a bit different... grosser. what do you mean i just wanted to tell dick jokes? it's called characterization. </p>
<p>anyways thank you so much for reading. the comments really did inspire me to keep writing. it meant so much to me that you guys liked it. i'm hoping to update once a week between my two ongoing fics (eddie isn't dead).</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AN: Actually, I found them in IT Chapter Two. </p><p>I realized that if I want to be a writer, I have to practice actually writing something, and my something is an It 2 Bachelorette AU. Cringe is dead, long live the King. I hope you guys liked it; there will be more to come. :)</p><p>also this was heavily inspired by "the imperfect reality of eddie kaspbrak" by questionablemorals which is amazing</p></blockquote></div></div>
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